The overwhelming consumerism of the baby product industry.

What do I actually need?

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Since entering my second trimester, I’ve started researching what I’d need for the baby’s arrival. That’s when I stumbled upon these “Nest with Me” YouTube videos. Mom influencers share their nursery setups and so-called “must-have” baby items. The backdrops are always the same: sunlit rooms, color-coordinated furniture, and neatly organized drawers. Diapers stacked with precision. Neutral-toned baby clothes KonMari-method folded. Everything screams perfection and readiness.

Many of the products these mom-influencers swear by are insanely expensive. Take the Keekaroo peanut changing pad, for instance. Loved by parents across the internet for its minimalist design and wipe-clean convenience, it costs $150. There’s the Artipoppe baby carrier, a celebrity favorite made with premium fabrics and designer patterns. Most of them sell between $350 - $750. Want even more luxury? You can buy one made with Peruvian vicuña and cashmere for $3,800.

Then there’s the high-tech Snoo bassinet, created by a celebrity pediatrician. It promises to soothe a baby’s cry and fussing with automatic white noise and gentle rocking. This smart-soothing bassinet retails for $1,700. On my local Facebook Marketplace, it resells for anywhere from $400 to $1,000. Yes, I considered and looked into it.

Worried your baby will get too reliant on this responsive bassinet and won’t sleep on their own in a regular crib? Don’t worry. Just turn on the “weaning mode" to help them transition. Too expensive? Too skeptical? You can rent it for $159/month on the basic plan to see if your baby likes it.

They’ve thought of everything.

I get it. We have fully prepared for sleep deprivation, especially when I see the exhausted new parents in my life. Anything that helps their baby sleep longer could be a godsend. We have done the math: investing in the smart bassinet for the first six months costs less than hiring a night doula for just a few nights a week. If the goal is to get your baby to sleep longer, the answer is obvious.

It’s not just the price. It’s the sheer number of baby products we seem to need. White noise machines, one for the home, one portable. A baby bouncer. A travel bassinet. Swaddles. Sleep sacks. Nail clippers. The list goes on and on. The more anxious I feel, the more time I spend watching review videos. The more I search, the more ads flood my feed. The internet makes it seem like the biggest preparation for a baby’s arrival is buying and buying. The more you have, the better prepared you are. The more expensive, the better parents you must be.

I knew, deep down, that I didn’t need all these things. Being a good parent is so much more than buying the most expensive crib. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that carefully reading product reviews was the responsible thing to do. Researching felt like a way to channel my anxiety into action, in some way. I even passed down my anxiety to my husband. I used our shared task management tool and assigned him a list, each with its own deadline: daycares, postpartum meal options, baby monitors, car seats, and strollers.

It wasn’t until I talked to a mom in real life, a former coworker, that I got some clarity. She told me to focus on the basics now and figure out the rest later when the baby gets here. She also suggested joining a Buy Nothing group and buying secondhand. She even shared a Google Doc she’d made for other new parents. A much shorter and practical list.

Talking to a mom in real life eased most of my anxiety from the influencer moms. I joined a few local Buy Nothing Facebook groups and started browsing on Facebook marketplace. I stopped engaging with those videos and refused to go down the Reddit rabbit hole for product recommendations. The YouTube algorithm is responding. My regular movie trailers and SNL clips are coming back up.

I always thought hand-me-downs were for those who live near families - not for someone like me, who left home and their village behind. But this past weekend, two moms from the group, gifted me newborn clothes and a baby carrier. After I shared my news, a colleague passed along a travel crib that her daughter had outgrown. When we asked, the community showed up. Maybe we can build a new village here after all.

Those videos aren’t for nothing. At least, I know, at the end of the day, the high-tech bassinet will be there when we need it, ready to rescue us when we become walking zombies.

This week’s Tiny Thoughts

Substack has been a great place to discover candid conversations about motherhood, and all the ups and downs that come with it. It feels unreal to read about motherhood, knowing that I am about to enter this wild wild world that didn’t feel relevant to me just a few months ago. I kept telling myself. It’s okay. I’ve still got time.

Here are three posts I loved this week about pregnancy and motherhood that calmed my nerves down and made me laugh:

1. The Mum List by

   Rebecca
   who writes A Mum with a Book. This is the anti-list list that I didn’t know I needed.

2. Memories of Pregnancy, three stories about pregnancy put together by

   Charlotte // Baby Brain
   who writes Baby Brain.

3. The Substack Motherhood Renaissance by

   Kiya Taylor
   , who writes promoted to mother.

While my husband, Arthur, is busy diving into the Mayo Clinic Guide to Baby's First Years and already making poop jokes. Naively, I think I’ll handle the pregnancy and childbirth, and he can take it from there.