Why did you leave me, my little turtle? (A poem)

dedicated the only pet animal I've ever had & some tiny thoughts.

If you’re new to Every Tiny Thought, Welcome!

I write about many things personal: growing up in China and finding home in the U.S., the bittersweetness of a life between two cultures, and the stories that gave me strength along the way, from books, films, and real life. I appreciate you for being here!

A Paid subscription makes writing possible and is the best way to support me.

---

Since moving to the U.S. in 2012, I’ve closely followed the general election, first, as an outsider in a new country, curious about everything. Now, although still unable to vote, I feel more like an insider, working, paying bills, and doing taxes. Whoever gets elected, locally or to the white house, will have a big impact on my life here and countless others worldwide. The closer it gets, the more restless I become. I turn to other things to distract myself. I read, I eat, I text my friends photos of what I eat, and I write.

This week, I go way back to my childhood, writing a tribute to the only pet animal I’ve ever had, who taught me about love and loss. Amid the chaos and the anxiety surrounding this election, my little turtle is the only thing I could write about today.

Why did you leave me, my little turtle?

I was too little to give you a name,

so I called you my little turtle. My parents said 

you came from the countryside, where 

the water is clear and the trees cover the sky.

I don’t remember the day when you came,

as if you were always part of my life.

My little turtle, how much I loved watching you 

slowly crawl around the sandy patch

that I made in our second-floor walk-up’s 

small balcony. That was your world, and you were mine. 

You ran away from your nest and fell

off to the lawn. I cried seeing the crack 

on your beautiful shell. But you were alive

as ever and looked happy to be back. 

I don’t remember how much time had passed

before you disappeared through the gap again

off the balcony railing when my dad

was changing your water. I looked

and looked with tears in my eyes 

until the sun came down. But my little turtle, 

you were nowhere to be found, so I know 

you have survived.

Mom said you returned to where

you came from, where the water is clear

and the trees cover the sky. You went back 

to your world, and I lost mine.

Dad looked at me with his innocent eyes.

I stared back with fury in mine.

Why did you leave me, my little turtle,

before I could give you a name and a kiss goodbye.

---

If you enjoyed this post, I hope you consider becoming a paid subscriber to support my writing or buy me a coffee to fuel my writing session. It helps me more than you realize.

Tiny Thoughts

My mom is visiting us again. We dragged her along for a four-night camping trip in Kauai, through mud, rain, a bit of sunshine, and lots of 5 a.m. feral chicken clucking. She did not complain at all. She loved it. I was relieved.

Jenna Park

, one of my favorite writers on Substack, wrote a wonderful piece that captures the collective anxiety surrounding the upcoming election.

Interior Chinatown, a 2020 satirical fiction by Charles Yu, has been adapted into a TV show and it’s coming to Hulu on November 19th. When I first read this novel in 2021, I was blown away. Written as a screenplay, the book explores racism, assimilation, and the model minority myth through the story of Willis Wu, an ambitious actor who aspires to be the "Kung Fu Guy" in Hollywood, but finds himself playing the stereotypes again and again (e.g., the Asian delivery guy with an accent and the Generic Asian Guy who always dies). It’s funny, nostalgic, heartbreaking, and simply brilliant.

Thanks again for being here. Depending on the election result, I may or may not see you next week.