I am back, and I've got news.

It's going to be a wild ride.

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I write about many things personal: growing up in China and finding home in the U.S., the bittersweetness of a life between two cultures, and the stories that gave me strength along the way, from books, films, and real life. Most posts are free and a paid subscription is the best way to support my work.

Spring is slowly coming back to the bay area.

It feels good to be writing again.

It’s been a while since I last posted here, and that’s because… well… my husband and I found out we’re going to be parents this summer!

It’s been a whirlwind of emotions—excitement, anxiety, and yes, a bit of panic, too. We’ve been navigating all the unknowns, and I needed time to make sense of it all and really, to just calm down.

I started drafting posts here, but never actually shared any. I couldn’t show up authentically when I wasn’t ready to talk about what I was going through—mentally and physically.

That said, it feels great to be back here, writing again. I’ve really missed it.

Within the first few weeks, I googled all my pregnancy questions incognito. It still felt raw and unreal, and I was not ready for the influx of online ads for baby products yet. I wanted to protect my online space for as long as possible. I needed more time.

I wasn’t even ready to share the news with our parents in China for a few weeks. I knew their kindhearted questions would come soon enough, and I didn’t have any answers yet.

Who is going to take care of you postpartum?

What about meals?

Should you stop exercising now just to be safe for the first few months? You should rest as much as possible.

When should we come to visit?

Is your one-bedroom apartment enough for the baby and for when we are visiting?

What do you need us to bring from China when we visit?

Surely, the answers have kept on coming once we told them the news. We did not have the answers then, and we still don’t have most of the answers now. But we are figuring it out as we go.

Aside from our pre-planned holiday trip to London (which my mom insisted we cancel to be on the safer side, but we didn’t), my life had taken a turn toward a new reality: doctor’s appointments, 12 tubes of blood drawn in one sitting, navigating evening bloating and nausea, all while trying to maintain some semblance of healthy eating.

The days feel longer again, and turkeys know it too.

How ready is ready enough?

Even though we planned for the pregnancy, we didn’t feel ready when everything became real. We had always known we wanted to become parents, but I was never sure when I’d truly feel ready—or if anyone ever really does. I’ve loved the time I’ve spent on the things I love—watching movies, traveling, reading, and writing—and wondered how much that would change.

I had just settled into a new place that finally felt like home after spending the last decade moving every couple of years. I had found a job I loved and was just beginning to fully enjoy life.

At the same time, I felt like I had reached a plateau in readiness. I wasn’t convinced that more time would make me feel any more prepared. People often say you’re never truly 100% ready for parenthood, but no one tells you what “ready enough” really means. And I suppose that’s the crux of it—there’s no clear answer; it’s something each person has to figure out for themselves.

Instead of wondering, Are we ready to be parents? It’s more realistic to ask ourselves, Are we ready enough?

Are we ready enough to venture into this wild ride, even without knowing what awaits on the other side?

Are we ready enough to embrace a life where priorities shift, sleep becomes scarce, personal time fades, hobbies take a backseat, and travel is put on hold—at least for a while?

Are we ready enough to raise kids away from our families, in a country we didn’t grow up in?

Are we ready enough to embrace a lifetime of responsibility—caring for another human being—and to take on the worries, fears, and struggles that come alongside the joy, love, and pride?

The most important question: Are we prepared enough to raise healthy, resilient, and confident children into adulthood in a world that feels more uncertain and cruel than ever?

To that end, I think we were a little bit wild to go ahead with it not knowing exactly what lay ahead, and trusting that we’d figure most of it out as we go.

I know that months of years down the road, I’ll look back on this time with nostalgia - the final stretch of life as I’ve always known it, standing on the precipice of something exciting and yet unfathomable. I don’t know exactly how my world will change, only that it will in ways I cannot yet imagine.

For all the parents out there, I’m actively soliciting your advice.

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